Chapter 11 - I Can't Taint Our Story In Red

So the italic blue writing is for quotes from his memory. These are things that Khushi said to him during their drunken nights out. 

~ We accept the love we think we deserve - Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower ~

But this isn't what I want.

He's not who I love.

He closed his eyes, too many emotions going through his mind at the one time, unable to find a way out. 

I always have and always will love someone else

His hands clenching into fists, digging his fingers into his palm, an almost anguish trembling down his whole being. 

For once properly look into what I just meant

For once...

He thumped his fist on the table, the sound of the impact resounding around the room, objects rattling and falling off.

I always have and always will love someone else

Her face, her smile playing over and over again in his mind, her touch, her hand in his all those years ago, willing him to continue. All those nights she'd told him and all the mornings he'd pretended to have been oblivious,

"You know that I love you right Arnav?" 

Her eyes filled with hope melting into his.

"You don't understand how many times you've trampled over my heart!"

Her body trembling against his, as she wept into his embrace, as he held onto her, knowing that she'd forget like she always seemed to. He leaned over the table, almost gasping for breath and sensing himself slowly losing control grabbed his coat and stormed out of the office. Her face and words not leaving him for a second. 

"Do you know what it feels like to have your heart broken? Multiple times? By the same person?!"

Her hands formed into fists, slamming off of his chest as she vented out her anger, how he had grabbed her arms, spun her around. His jaw hardened, his face taunt with rage not for her but for himself, for not being worthy of such love. 

He slammed on his breaks, bringing the car to a screeching halt, the car pushing forward slightly as the tyres gripped the surface of the road. 

I always have and always will love someone else. 

Why was she doing this all of a sudden? He put his head on the steering wheel, attempting to control the throbbing in his head, to release himself out of his thoughts. 

For once properly look into what I just meant

He slammed his head back against the head rest. All these years he had been running away from this. Thinking that with time she'd move on, give up, find someone else. And somewhere in a tiny corner of his heart he had even been happy about her relationship with Aakash. And now that the truth of that relationship had come to light he had been planning on the perfect way of letting her know and then leaving for good. He should have distanced himself from her years ago, broke off the friendship that meant a lot more than that to both of them. But in his dark grim universe, she was the only bright light and his selfishness hadn't allowed it. And now she had brought him to a point from which he wouldn't be allowed to turn away and run. She wasn't giving him that choice. It was either own up or break off from a relationship that his life depended on. He flung open the car door and slammed it shut behind him, the air inside becoming stifling with too many thoughts, his body slumped against the car, feeling helpless in too many ways.

A Memory:

"Ma!" "Don't call me that you bastard! Haven't I forbade you from referring to me as your mother when your father is away!" Arundathi exclaimed, her hand forming a bruise as it thundered off of his face. Tears sprang into his eyes as he rubbed at his cheek, the impact stinging in a way he was all too used to. With tears blurring his view he extended his arm, reaching upto the table and placed the certificate he had come into show his mother, releasing it from his trembling fingers. She glared down at him, her eyes dark and fearsome and grabbed the paper off of the table top. She maintained her glare as she scrunched it up in her hand and threw at his face, his innocence not seeming to affect her cold heart. He winced back and crouching down picked the piece of paper up once more, then stuffed it back into his pocket, still in the ragged paper ball that she had created. He slowly walked out, his feet almost dragging themselves along the laminate floor. He turned around once more only to see his younger brother being embraced in a warm hug by the same woman. He watched as she moved him back slightly, beaming up at his face as she took his certificate and placed her palm on his face, smiling, adoring and gentle. Arnav hung his head glumly and walked off, dragging his backpack on the floor with his left hand...

A Memory:

He watched blandly as she compared his report card with his younger brothers, how her furious eyes compared marks from two different years. But she wasn't new to the fact that he always topped his classes and that possibly infuriated her the most. She glared at his disinterested face and lifting the card upto his face began ripping it down the middle. He stuffed his hands inside his pockets and stared back at her evenly, he wasn't that little child anymore, he wouldn't let her affect him. Soon the report card had become scraps of little paper and she held them out on her palm then flung them at his face and he blinked slightly as they fell to the ground but continued to glare back at her, almost challenging her to continue. Widening her eyes at his audacity and shaking with anger she turned briefly towards Aakash. "Aakash beta," her voice had softened instantly, "could you go outside and look for your sister please," she requested and he promptly turned around and walked off, knowing the cue. She turned back towards him and he saw the rage irrupt inside her as she realised that he was still glowering back. He watched as she pounced forward and took a hold of him by the collars, glaring up at him as he was now too tall for her and he continued to stare down at her, his face a mask of indifference. She was seething with anger, her mind probably going over possibilities of how she could kill him. "You get one thing straight you son of a whore! You may try to be better than my son but you never will be! Remember that you are and always will be an illegitimate child!" She spat out, he broke eye contact suddenly taken back by her harsh words, his eyes widening in shock and a sudden rush of fear creeping up him. She pushed him back and less the impact but more of the aftershock of what she had just said caused him to stumble back momentarily, before fixing his eyes on her cruel face again. "Remember I will never let you be happy! Never!" She screamed, pointing her fingers at his frozen expression then stormed off. 

He opened his eyes slowly, taking in the bright light of the lamp post as he thought of the horrific memories that existed never too far below the surface. And she had kept that promise! Arundathi Raizada's ugly shadow had followed him everywhere, had been behind his every step and he spent his life battling the constant hurdles she threw at him. Although he had learned to keep the upper hand, be one step ahead, he wouldn't bring someone as innocent and fragile as Khushi into the picture. That would be wrong! Unjust! Too much had happened already, Aakash had already been using her for his  own gain, well attempting to. She needed to get away from his broken life and maybe she had just given him the reason to end it forever, release her before anything more could happen, finally let her go. So what if his soul depended on her? He'd just have to give that up too...

****

The confinements of the dark office was only lit by a simply desk lamp, the faces of it's occupants only partly illuminated by it, one glowering and evidently in control, whilst the other sat almost slumped onto the table, like a man slowly losing a battle.

Shashi had his eyes downcast, not wanting to look into the eyes of the woman sitting in front of him for fear than even one look could cause him to lose everything. He was prepared to beg, give his life but the woman seated in front of him was not one that preferred to bargain.

"Shashi! Maybe you didn't understand me when I said you wouldn't have a choice in this earlier," Arundathi's raspy voice cut through the thick silence in the room, her words cold and unwavering.

"But Arundathi I cannot force my daughter to do something she does not want to do," his voice was pleading, quieter.

"Well you'll simply have to now won't you?"

"She does not want to marry him Arundathi," he stated more confidently this time, attempting to bring courage to his words, courage that he did not really have.

"Well you and I both know what that means now Shashi don't we? I don't have anything to lose and you know I always stick to what I say don't you Shashi?" She stated with a finality.

"Well I guess I'll have to convince her somehow then," Shashi sighed giving in and pushing his chair back, stood up and let himself out of the room.

****

"Khushi you are getting married to him and that is it!" Shashi bellowed for the third time as his daughter stood glaring up at him.

"Babuji I have made my decision! I will not! And you cannot make me!" She screamed back, pointing a trembling finger at her father who she no longer understood. He had always respected her every decision and for the past few days the tension had been building up.

Garima watched in horror as the long suppressed scene blew up in front of her, a complete feeling of dread coming over as she realised that she may be a bit too late. Arnav and her would need more time and that time seemed to be rapidly slipping out of her fingers.

"Khushi this is the last time I am going to say this! YOU WILL OBEY!" He exclaimed, standing tall, willing every inch of strength that he had into the confrontation.

Her eyes snapped wider at the tone of her father's voice which had never sounded so threatening, so ruthless. She wasn't even sure if she knew the man that was standing in front of her anymore. Tears sprang to her eyes and she gulped, attempting to hold them in and not let them flow out. Keeping her head held high and sticking to a decision which she was not willing to change.

"I will not!" She shouted back, the tone of her voice matched to his, the contours of her face hard and her cheeks flushed red. "I have the right to make my own decision! I will not get married to Aakash and that is my final decision!" She bellowed, the tears now falling out of her eyes, her whole body shaking from the rage.

"No!" Garima screamed as she caught Khushi in her arms, Khushi held on to her cheek, the impact of the slap sending currents of pain through her face. She looked back at her fathers face, so ruthless, so cold, feeling a pain and hurt that she had never felt before. She felt betrayed, broken, the pang of her heart breaking into a thousand pieces searing through her. But she would not let him win! She pushed herself out of Garimas embrace, looking at her mothers concerned face, giving her a stiff nod then stood herself up. She stood herself inches away from her father once more and looked him square in the face.

"I'm leaving!" Their was a slight tremble to her voice, and it came out quieter than she had wanted to but the words rang with finality. She had made her decision. She wouldn't watch her life crumble in front of her. Shashi watched with widened eyes as she turned around on her heels and walked off and slammed her door behind her, the sound of it reverberating, echoing in his ears.

Khushi closed the door behind her, leaning against the door, letting the tears flow freely and the sobs escape. She slid down to the ground, unable to handle anything that was going on with her life. She felt hopeless and lost. Pulling the sleeves of her jumper over her hands she brought them to her face, trembling with tears that refused to stop.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" She screamed, the sobs continuing but louder now, her eyes red and raw. She pulled her feet closer, resting her head against her knees and let her mind go numb.

****

Arnav took his phone out again, his thumb hovering over Khushi's name for the fourth time, not quite sure what he would say to her, if he could say anything at all. He flung the phone on the bed, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. He sat on the bed, bringing his hands to his head and taking large breaths in and out.

You don't understand how many times you've trampled over my heart!

For once properly look into what I just meant

He suddenly straightened up, snapping out of his thoughts to the sound of his phone ringing. 

"Unknown?" 

He slid it on anyway, "Hello?" 

"Arnav?" 

His eyes widened immediately on hearing the quiet hoarse voice, "uncle?"

Shashi shut his eyes momentarily, thinking over his decision one last time. He took a deep breathe in, preparing himself. "Yes Arnav, I need to meet you," he finally stated.

Arnav processed this for a second, his mind whirring through too many possibilities at the one time.

Fearing the unnerving silence from the other end Shashi added in unwillingly, "it's about Khushi."

And the desperation in his voice said it all, Arnav was on his feet immediately, "where do I meet you?"

****

"Aakash. It's time," Arundathis stern voice came through the phone. He clicked it off and walked off preparing for his next step in the game...

~ They say the Devil's water it ain't so sweet, you don't have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet in every once in a little while. - The Killers, When You Were Young ~

And I actually remember where I got the pic from :P so credit goes to : http://www.flickr.com/photos/drippy2009/4102805948/in/photostream