Chapter 18 - Meet Me In The Pouring Rain

When I wrote this chapter I imagined it in the first Arshi rain scene.

The song used in this chapter is "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri, do listen to it if you haven't already ;) x.

~

I didn't want to kiss you goodbye. That was the trouble.

I wanted to kiss you goodnight. And there’s a lot of difference. – Ernest Hemingway

~

Her sobs seized momentarily as she felt someones hand on her shoulder, slightly rough warm skin on her own cold skin and she instantly knew who it was and her senses seized to work for a second. She turned around, her body colliding off of his to face melted chocolate pools of regret, of anguish. Their gazes held and more than ever she wanted to dive in and loose herself in the depths of them, hide herself from the world. As the tears continued to trail down her cheeks his hand moved up to her face, his rough skin grazing her soft tender one, his thumb moved to the edge of her eye catching her teardrops as she closed her eyes for a second taking in the sodden beauty of it all. He looked away slowly moving his hand away from her but her wrist went around his arm, the fingers slowly falling on it one by one and he struggled to keep his walls up. His carefully guarded mask quickly breaking. The raindrops began to fall more rapidly, a speckle on his arm, on her hand, his hair, her face and then began coming down all at once. With the force of rain that aimed to drench, they pelted down, like shards of ice. Her hand moved into his, her fingers fitting into the spaces between his and his fingers closed around hers of their own accord as he pulled her in closer, his eyes clashing into blazing honey spheres once more. Soon her body was against his, their hearts thudding to a similar beat and the rain continued to pour, drenching them in all it's glory. But their gazes held through the blurring rain, piercing through the curtain of water as his arm went around her waist and pulled her in closer, her fragile form moulding into his embrace, water dripping off of their bodies. He felt the shivers run down her as her hazel orbs peered into his sweltering dark caramel ones, seeking answers that she did not have, answers that she desperately needed.

Heart beats fast
Colours are promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer...

Slowly removing his fingers from hers, he brought his hand to her cheek once more, cradling her trembling face in his warmth and she closed her eyes, more tears streaming down her face, mingling with the cold rain drops, seeking solace. She let her hand trail down his arm, sliding through drops of water.

"Khushi I... I'm sorry," it was a murmured whisper, his husky voice almost inaudible. And her eyes snapped open, sensing what he was really trying to say, her hand froze on his arm, her nails almost digging into his flesh and as their gazes collided once more she tried to decipher the meaning in his drowning molten eyes, the remorse clear, her eyes flitting through the contours of his chiseled face then back to those deep brown spheres. She closed her eyes heavy with tears, letting them drop in large drops, pushing away from him slowly. But he wouldn't let go, his grasp around her waist too tight, his fingers against her skin as the thin fabric of her top clung to her body. "Khushi," his voice was a hoarse whisper, his face too close, his lips brushed against her forehead as he spoke and she moved in closer willing this not to be the last time.

"Khushi... I..." He had to, he couldn't no. He had to, it was now or never.

"Khushi, I.." His lips were against her forehead and he felt her slowly nod as if she knew what he was about to say, but he wouldn't break her like that, no he couldn't break her like that. "Khushi. I love you!" It was a silent murmur, almost inaudible through the deafening rain as it fell down on them in torrents and he closed his eyes, his lips still against her skin, knowing that he'd let himself go for the first time, knowing that there'd be consequences but knowing that this was the only choice he could make. Her eyes snapped open against him, the words reaching her a little too late, a little too quiet and she thought she'd heard it in a dream.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still 
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath 
Every hour has come to this 

One step closer...

Her fingers clutched against his shirt, her tender fingers pressing against his skin through the soaked material, her breath hitching in her throat as she processed his words. She slowly moved back her head, and her forehead grazed against his chin as their gazes clashed and she felt herself falling into his pools of melted chocolate, his sweltering eyes unwavering as drops of rain pelted onto her face. He watched her quivering lips, her bewildered eyes needing to know that his words were real. He felt her fingers let go of him, trembling as the rain drops continued to fall and he moved his hands to her cheeks, cupping her face in them, watching with tenderness as her eyes followed, out of the fear that this was all not true. "Khushi I love you," his husky voice louder this time, needing so badly to let her know that he was there for her, that he would always be there for her. As her eyes widened in disbelief, he moved her face closer to his, their noses almost touching and let his lips linger on the soft skin of her forehead. And his touch blazed through her, warming the blood that gushed through her veins and her hands trailed to his back as she crashed into him, her body shaking with the hopeless sobs that broke out of her. She rested her head in the space of his neck, letting her tears mix with his rain soaked shirt as his arms went around her back, enveloping her body to his as his body trembled along with her sobs, as he rested his face against her drenched hair.

"Khushi I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have, I couldn't," he closed his eyes trying to find the right words. "Khushi I couldn't leave, I... I tried," he spoke into her hair, his lips against the wet tendrils of her hair. "And maybe I should have said it earlier, not left it this late," his voice was raw, the remorse clear. Maybe she wouldn't be so broken if he'd made up his mind quicker. Or was this still right?

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

"I love you too," her voice was timid, her lips brushing against his neck, her warm breath spreading through his quivering body. "I always have," she spoke through her sobs, her voice breaking with each breath and her nails dug into his back as her chest heaved with her difficult breaths. "I.."

"Shh," he slowly moved her out of his embrace, his hand nestling her face once more, "shh Khushi," he hushed her, "stop crying," he whispered placing another kiss on her forehead, she closed her eyes basking in it's essence, her pain forgotten, pushed to the edges of her mind. She felt her heart burst into a thousand little flutters, his lips against her skin sending sparks from the core of her heart to the tips of her fingers.

"Please don't leave," her glistening eyes pleaded.

"I won't," his voice was reassuring as his arms trailed round her back once more, hugging her to him.

"Arnav, why couldn't you say this before?" An innocent question, her voice still shaky and quiet.

"I don't know," a quiet whisper, genuine to a point. For his explanations felt pathetic, useless when it came to thinking of what he had been about to let go. What that could have done to her. What it could have done to him. What he had already caused.

"Why did you tell me now?" A nearly inaudible murmur, her sobs now replaced by questions.

"Because it was either this or letting you go," the real truth this time, because that was what it had come to. Maybe not so much voicing that it was her broken form, her loud ragged sobs, the fact that she needed him next to her more than away. The fact that his theories when it came to Khushi were always wrong.

She pushed back from him suddenly, her hands strong against the muscular planes of his chest and he moved back a little confused. His eyes met her blazing ones, a distant storm raging through them. "Because I love you and you bombard me with too many questions!" He stated calmly, pulling her into another embrace, her arms squeezed against his chest as a slow smile spread over his lips. He knew she needed answers and although most of his would be incomplete, he'd have to tell her.

"That's not an answer," she mumbled into his chest, her anger slowly dissipating and relief washed through him as he heard the agony in her voice gone, felt that she was slightly mended. The erratic beats of his heart gradually began to fall to normal as she took her hands from between their chests and ran them around his neck, her face coming up to meet his as the drops of rain continued to crash down. "I wish you'd confessed earlier," she admitted, her golden orbs gentle, a soft smile tugging at her lips.

"Me too," he admitted, smiling as he moved the loose strands of hair stuck to her face.

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more...

He watched her soft features, the sudden little spark then a little tug of a smile on her lips. She couldn't help but be taken over by happiness, his three words sprouting too much joy in her mind, overshadowing everything else. Every question, the heartbreak, his silence, his hidden truths dying on her lips and moving to some place at the back of her mind, for retrieval later whilst she revelled in this moment. In his embrace, in his love as the sky started clearing, a thin ray of sun appearing from the edges of the horizon, as the large rain drops became speckles once more and then a tiny drizzle, glistening slightly from the sun shining off of them.

~ We were together. I forget the rest. – Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman ~

****

"Shyam? This is Aakash here, do you know where my mother is?" Aakash's voice was shaky with nervousness. In the back of his mind the thought that something was wrong playing over and over again. 

Shyam frowned, when will the Raizada's leave him alone? "Er yes Mr Aakash I'm sorry the last I know she was on her way to the airport."

"Yes I know that Shyam! I'm asking you what happened after that!" Aakash exclaimed into the phone, his patience running out.

Shyams features began twitching as he inwardly cursed himself again for taking up this contract to begin with. "Well yes Mr Aakash I don't know what happened after that."

"Damn it!" Aakash exclaimed cutting the call off. He had reached yet another dead end. 

****

Arnav watched her face smiling for a few seconds then gently moving her out of his embrace, let his hand trail down her arm then clasping her hand in his began to walk towards his car. She watched in confusion, the fact that he might leave her again still clouding the back of her mind. "Where are we going?" 

Cocking up an eyebrow he looked at her, "erm out of this rain," he stated matter-of-factly, "unless you want me to drown in my own clothes," he added pulling at the soaked material of his shirt. And he watched fondly as she broke into a tinkling little laugh, the worry lines on her forehead all but disappearing. 

"I think we should wait out here a little more," she suggested taking her hand out of his then spinning around once in the rain catching the rain drops. 

Arnav rolled his eyes to the heavens, what was she even made of? "Khushi!" He moaned grabbing her hand then pulling at her to follow him. 

"Arnavv," she pouted, "we are at the beach!"

"Oh really? I kinda didn't notice that," he smirked turning back towards her. 

"Shut up! Don't forget Arnav you've still not completely been forgiven!" She stated crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I mean unless you do what I say," she added in on seeing the smirk on his face drop and his eyes darken slightly. 

He watched her expression raising an eyebrow, "and what's that?" 

"Let's go get ice cream!" She exclaimed, grabbing his hand. 

His eyes widened immediately, "Khushi are you freaking mad?! It's raining!"

"So? You know how much I love ice cream in the rain! And you never agree!" She moaned pulling him with her.

"No Khushi!" he shouted pulling her back. 

"Fine," she stated turning around and pouting. 

He rolled his eyes, yep she was definitely back to normal and he was completely glad that  for the first time he'd finally followed his heart. "Okay okay, fine," he finally gave in, lifting his arms in surrender, "but if I fall sick I'll cough and sneeze all over you!" He stated making a face.

"Yeyy!" She shrieked, a bright smile adorning her face, "and don't worry I'll be your own personal nurse," she winked leaning into him and taking his arm. 

He smirked back raising his eyebrow, "aah Khushi too many fantasies."

She felt her cheeks take on a bright hue of pink and slapped his arm blushing, "urgh Arnav," she pushed him as he chuckled away. She felt relaxed for the first time in days as she ran her arm through his and watched his face as they walked off together knowing that he was finally hers and that the happiness that that evoked was enough to over-shadow everything for now. The reassurance that she was no longer in this alone, that he would be there for her offering her heart an unusual sort of solace. Maybe she had already forgiven him for taking his time, but maybe she'd still make him suffer a little bit more. 

Chapter 17 - I Can't Seem to Walk Away

The first part of this chapter was inspired by the song "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. The second part of it that involves Arshi revolves around the song "Ashes and Wine" by A Fine Frenzy (been watching too much TVD lately :P). So do listen to them both either before or after reading the chapter ;) the links will be up on my blog x.

Arnav sat on the floor, leaning against his bed, the golden liquid in his glass moving against the little blocks of ice as he brought it to his lips and took another sip, letting it flow through him, numbing his senses. The bottle lay on the floor, already half finished. He honestly could not remember drinking so much in a long time. His glazed eyes, now bloodshot hovered through the collage of pictures up on his wall once more. They were snaps spreading over too many years, from their first meeting, all stuck up by Khushi. Should he have taken a picture today for their last? In the top left hand corner was a picture from the first time they had met, the lighting was bad and their skin colour was an unusual hue of grey, there was an awkward distance between them, not too close, not too far apart as their heads came together to smile for the picture. He still remembered it like it was only yesterday.

A memory:

He sat in the restaurant with a friend, first week of uni and he was already fed up of attempting to cook his own meals. "Dude this place is packed!" NK exclaimed. "Freshers," he replied simply, rolling his eyes. "Yeh but this is mad, like there are no seats left. And apparently a group of them are supposed to be meeting here." Arnav looked at him questioningly for a second, lifting his eye brow, "and you know this how?" "A man has to do his stalking," NK winked in reply, "and the girls are pretty decent this time round," he added in as if to justify himself. Cocking up his eyebrow and smirking Arnav took his drink and sipped it again when suddenly a loud happy voice chirped from next to him, "Hey!" He looked up immediately to a dazzlingly beautiful face, a breathtaking smile firmly planted on it. The orbs of her eyes almost golden in appearance, glittering with an over-flowing happiness, adorned with long, flared dark lashes. Her skin was milky and smooth, an oval face framed in straightened black layered hair. A slow smile spread over his lips and before he stared at her for too long he managed to murmur a quiet "hi". From the corner of his eyes he could see NK gaping at her. "Erm, there aren't any seats left and you guys have a booth so I was wondering if we could join you?" "Erm," he blinked for a split second, arranging his thoughts, "yeh of course," he finally managed to reply and smiling shuffled over as NK did the same. 

He closed his eyes as he played that first ever image of her over and over again in his mind. They had hit it off instantly, formed a connection that they had never hoped to break. She brought an unusual sort of happiness into his otherwise desolate life and he had held onto it ever since, like a life-line, almost craving for every moment with her. His eyes hovered over the next few pictures, him lying on the couch with his hands hiding his face whilst Khushi smiled into the camera and clicked a picture of them. Another with them lying on their stomachs on the beach, books lay in front of them as a blinding sun shone in the background, the sky blue and cloudless. And his mind flashed back through all of their summers that they'd spent reading either at the beach or when it rained in her cosy little flat. All the memories that they shared and he didn't know if he could leave her anymore. This was the first time that he was so close to just letting her go and finally walking away but now that he was here, at that point he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't leave her. But he had to right? He should leave her!

He took his phone out of his pocket and sliding it on, his fingers hovered over her number, his mind whirring through a whirlwind of thoughts and craving desperately just to hear her voice once. To make sure that she was okay.

Picture perfect memories

Scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone ‘cause

I can’t fight it anymore

Khushi finally gave in and took a slice of pizza out of the box and  bit a piece off and slowly chewing it swallowed it with difficulty, her throat dry and constricted. She then tossed it back into the box, a fresh batch of tears flowing down her cheeks. She stared into the distance, her thoughts lost in a tangle. So many people were suddenly letting her down, two people that she loved almost equally had both managed to break her heart irrevocably within the space of twenty-four hours. How could Arnav do this to her? He was at least supposed to be there for her right? He had known about Aakash all along and kept quiet about it, what was she supposed to make of that? And the way he had admitted to it, she thought with rage now, it was as if he didn't even see it as a mistake! And her father! It was as if her mind had now begun to go numb against any thoughts of him, was what he did even forgivable? There wasn't an excuse for that sort of thing. Or was she always brought up to be just sold off? Like one of those pigs that get nurtured so lovingly only to be slaughtered. She broke out of her thoughts for a few seconds to the sound of her home phone going off, she let it ring, the sound slowly fading out of her mind as she focused back on her thoughts. Would Arnav even come back? He could have just waited and not left, he knew that she needed someone there? Was he just looking for an opportunity to get away from her?

And I wonder if I

Ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

"Hi, you've reached Khushi! Not able to take your call right now. Obviously! So leave a message!" He listened to her sing song voice chirp through the phone, he waited till he heard the beep then cut off the call, leaning his head against his bed he scrunched his eyes shut unable to take the agony coursing through him. If only he could move themselves into a parallel universe where everything was right and he was the perfect guy with a non-fucked up life. 

It’s a quarter after one

I’m all alone

And I need you now

Said I wouldn’t call

But I’ve lost all control

And I need you now

Khushi attempted to figure out where exactly it had even gone wrong. Her thoughts landing on Aakash every time. If only she hadn't gone out with that useless piece of trash. Yes that was what he was, she thought with rage building up inside her again, the blood rushing through her all of a sudden. 

A memory:

"Do you think I should go out with Aakash?" She questioned, awaiting another shocked or disgusted face. His reactions were sort of amusing. She was playing upon one of her plans, if he was ignorant enough to not notice what they had she might as well show him. Jealousy always worked in films right? She watched his face carefully as he continued to play with his phone as if he hadn't even heard her. "ARNAV! Aakash? Should I go out with him?" She questioned again, frowning and making a face. "Erm yeh why not. You seem to like him enough, so yeh," he shrugged indifferently. Her eyes widened in shock immediately and she had to control herself from not letting her jaw drop with the shock of what he had just said. No no no! This was not how it was supposed to happen! He was supposed to tell her to shut the hell up tell her that she couldn't go out with anyone else because he loved her! She felt warm tears gather at the edge of her eyes and too shaken to take this new form of denial she looked away, hiding the quickly gathering tears from him. 

When she turned around he was watching her curiously, almost in bewilderment and she quickly plastered a smile to her face. "Well that's great!" She managed to say, her voice a bit too high-pitched, "I guess I'll say yes to him," she smiled more confidently and with that got up and walked away. 

And that one little action on his behalf had made her decision for her and she had given someone else a chance; that someone else being Aakash. Her heart pained from thinking through that again, an image she had pushed to the dark depths of her mind, Aakash in some other woman's arms, more dreams crashing down in front of her eyes. Was she so insignificant? So incompetent? Her sobs came out loud and ragged again as she finally put her mind to it, how unloved she was. 

But at the end of it all, she couldn't understand Arnav. She didn't know if it was her or him that was stupid anymore. She couldn't blame it on ignorance anymore, she had told him, in full consciousness what she felt for him. He had to know right? How difficult was it to understand? He cared enough to bring her thousands of miles away from danger, he cared enough to attempt to hide her own problems from her and he cared enough to order her food and yet he wouldn't admit his love for her. She wiped away at her cheeks harshly, her nails digging into the material of her couch, what was it then? Why couldn't someone tell her what this was? "Stop it Khushi! Stop it! Didn't you decide to just forget him! You don't need anyone that doesn't need you!" She screamed to herself in determination. She wasn't a charity case damn it! Hot tears sprang out of her eyes once more and she wiped at them furiously. "Stop crying Khushi!" She screamed through the sobs, her voice raw and cracked. 

And I don’t know how

I can do without

I just need you now

And as the darkness slowly closed up a long summer day their anguish must have collided in the skies and the stars bore witness to two broken souls gazing out at the tenebrous sky. 

It’s a quarter after one

I’m a little drunk

And I need you now

Said I wouldn’t call

But I’ve lost all control

And I need you now

And I don’t know how

I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now...

****

Arundathi awoke to the faint smell of oil, her eyes opening gradually, her eyelids still droopy. She looked to her surroundings bewildered for a few seconds. She was lying on a bed, their was a dull ache to her thighs. The dim light being emitted through the window cast shadows on some odd pieces of furniture around what looked like a small room. She tried to get up but felt her arms bound by the wrist, something cutting at them at the tiniest of movement. Moaning with pain she attempted to make out what was wrong with her, she tried to move her legs but they too seemed to be bound by something. And suddenly it dawned upon her, someone had grabbed her from behind and she'd blacked out. Her eyes widened in horror as she tried to comprehend this fact. She had been on her way to get a flight to Aberdeen. So was she kidnapped?

****

"I can't get through to her! Damn it!" Aakash exclaimed on hearing Arundathi's phone reach voicemail for the umpteenth time. He was pacing about the room, trying to make sense of the situation when her soft arm rested on his shoulder. 

"Don't worry Aakash she maybe got the flight as soon as she got there. So just give it a few hours," she reassured him, taking his hands into hers. 

"No Payal but I'm pretty sure there's only one flight a day to Aberdeen from Delhi," he murmured taking her into his embrace. 

"Aakash just calm down, I'm sure she's fine," she replied tenderly, leaning back and slowly undoing the buttons on his shirt. She knew it was not the right time, but she had to say it. There was still no word from Lavanya, god knew where she was, that's if she was still okay. She prayed to god La was still okay. 

"Aakash," she murmured, "are you still getting married to Khushi?"

Aakash stared at her in disbelief for a moment then pushed her away harshly. "What the hell is wrong with you Payal? I'm here worried sick about my mother and you're asking me if I'm getting married to Khushi?!" He screamed, rage consuming him once more. 

But Payal stood her ground and stared at him pointedly, her eyes burning with the same rage. "Aakash! I am sick and tired of being part of this bloody game! I deserve to know what's happening!" She replied in an equally stern voice. 

"Well if you really need to know she found out about this bloody relationship! That's why this is all such a fucking mess!" He yelled, done with providing excuses, moving away from her entirely. "So now we need to hunt that bitch down and kill her!"

Payals eyes almost popped out of her sockets and she gulped as the fear that rose through her sent a shiver down her spine. "You... you're going to ... kill her?" She managed to stutter out, watching him with incredulity. 

"Well what else are we supposed to do?" He questioned as if to justify himself. 

Payal felt nauseous, she had felt the cold, steely wrath of Arnav Singh Raizada, seen the unnerving all consuming rage dance upon his charred caramel pupils and she was not sure if she had it in her to continue to support Aakash. She felt his hands enclose hers once again but she removed them, stepping away from him. 

"Payal?" He almost whispered, hurt clear in his eyes. But she shook her head, inching away from him towards the door. 

"I'm sorry Aakash. I... I can't do this anymore. I need to find La. I'm sorry," she spoke, her voice almost inaudible, then let herself out of the door. 

****

It wasn't a summer day, no the sun was no where to be seen, almost as if it was mirroring her inner turmoil. Specks of light grey pierced through the heavy grim clouds, a large dark cloud hovered away in the horizon. The trees dipped to the rhythm of the strong gusts of wind, their leaves although green clung on for fear of an autumn breeze. The sound of an engine roaring to life, concentrated quietness, the distant sound of cars along the main road, a toot of a horn. Her feet hit the ground rhythmically and she slowed her pace to turn the corner. The grey granite of the buildings adding to the gloom that spread over a city with too many people awaiting a sunny summer. Her mind went back to the days in the past, two hot mugs of hot chocolate, whipped cream dripping over the rims onto coasters, his body splayed over the large couch, her own folded in the smaller one. Although they'd went their own separate ways after uni; she had taken up work in Aberdeen, he had become engrossed in his own work; they had still managed to find time for themselves. A skype conversation there, a coffee here, a surprise at the door, he had never been completely far from her life. And maybe that's why this was so difficult, they'd unknowingly become so tangled up in each others daily lives that it was now seemingly impossible to just pack up and move on, move away. Maybe it wasn't difficult for him but it was for her.

Don’t know what to do anymore

I’ve lost the only love worth fighting for

I’ll drown in my tear storming sea

That would show you, that would make you hurt like me

All the same

I don’t want mudslinging games

It’s such a shame

To let you walk away

Is there a chance?

A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?

A reason to fight?

Is there a chance you may change your mind?

Or are we ashes and wine?

The overgrown grass tickled at her ankles as she jogged past them, on the mud path cut out that led to the beach. The solemn sky slowly darkening, almost winter in appearance, or maybe early spring. Her heart was beating erratically in her chest and she was rapidly running out of breath but she continued at her fast pace, ignoring the pain in her legs.

A memory:

"Come on slow coach! Hurry up! I've ran all the way down from my flat just so that you'd have a jogging partner! Not a walking one!" He exclaimed from the front, his voice booming through the silent morning as the first bright rays of the sun pierced through the sky. "Shut up! This isn't jogging this is marathon running! Slow down!" She screamed then came to a slow stop feeling her legs almost give way underneath her. "This is like bloody military training!" She yelled, bending down and resting her hands on her thighs, letting out loud exhausted breaths. He came to a stop a few seconds later then proceeded to walk back towards her, rolling his eyes he sat himself against the wall and pulled her down next to him. "Next time just stick to driving to the beach," he chuckled.

But they'd continued the ritual until the end of uni, then he had left and she'd only jogged once in a while, if the sun was out and the beach dazzled from it's rays.

Don’t know if our fate’s already sealed

This day’s spinning circus on a wheel

Shut it out

I’ve got no claim on you now

Not allowed to wear your freedom down

Is there a chance?

A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?

A reason to fight?

Is there a chance you may change your mind?

Or are we ashes and wine? 

She leaned over the grey brick wall and watched as the waves lapped and battled against each other. As the dark blue colour gave way to hues of lighter blue then bubbles of white. As one wave collided into another then almost became one. As large waves missed their plight, hitting itself only into another wave of water and then as it all edged forward together then lapped onto the dark brown sand of the beach, drenching it with it's salty taste then edged back once more, taking with it more of the shells and the pebbles and the dark strands of sea weed. The salty breeze hit her, the torrents of it stronger than what it was further away and goosebumps appeared on her soft skin, sending a shiver down her spine. She remembered her fathers hand on her head, reassuring safety, that he'd always be there, her mothers tender kiss, her twinkling kind eyes and finally Arnav's warm, protective embrace and tears trickled down her face as she held onto the black railing for support. Her tears collided off of one another as they fell in large spurts and trailed down her chin. She felt the first drops of rain, small and infrequent, almost non-existent as they mingled with her salty tears. And she hugged herself as the loud sobs racked through her body, not caring for once for what anyone thought. 

I’ll tear myself away

If that is what you need

There is nothing left to say

But

Is there a chance?

A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?

A reason to fight?

Is there a chance you may change your mind?

Or are we ashes and wine?

The day’s still ashes and wine

Or are we ashes? 

He stood at the other side of the road, his eyes glazed as he watched her break down completely, her fragile body shaking with the torrents of grief racking through her and his feet started moving fn their own accord. He'd known he'd find her here, he'd just wanted to make sure that she was okay. But she wasn't okay and nor was he. Before he knew it he was behind her, the sound of her agonizing sobs reverberating in his ears. The rain drops were larger now, more frequent and she stilled as his hand fell on her shoulder.

Chapter 16 - Tears of a Breaking Heart

A teeny warning before you continue - Arnav may let you down in this chapter... x

I will remember your small room, 

...
your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again. 

- Charles Bukowski

Khushi turned back around, the storm raging through her still kept at bay, a couple of more paces and then she could let it all out. The corridor of her flat was still dark, the only light being one being emitted through the main bedroom, she fingered the switch and turned it on then turned it off again remembering that it wouldn't turn on from that one. The smell was familiar, she was on home ground once more, Acqua de Gioia mixed with musk and a tinge of her Thai Orchid spray. She stepped out of her little pumps, her soft heels against the cool laminate flooring, then the little slab of carpet outside her bathroom door with its door slightly ajar. She fingered the other switch and turned it on and the little bulb above came on, illuminating the familiar cream walls and her painting of a lone elephant against a black velvet cloth, positioned just right so an orb of the light fell onto it. It had been Arnav's doing. His face appeared in her mind once more, the different emotions of it churning through her mind, shock, confusion, determination, rage and then finally hurt. Her foot hovered mid-step for the smallest of seconds as she considered walking  back and opening the door that she had just shut on his face but then put it forward again, flushing the thoughts of him out of her mind, or at least attempting to. She pushed down on the living room switch and the tube light flickered twice then emitted a dull bluish glow before it flickered on completely, propelling her into the brightness of her living room. She appraised it as if she had returned to it after many years, to find it exactly the same way she had left it.

The take out menus lay in a messy pile under the long glass top coffee table along with her various magazine and recipe articles, all over the place possibly from banging into the table in her haste the last time she had left. The curtain was still slightly open, letting in a chunk of the morning light and it's gloom. Her yellow and pink post-its were still stuck to the wall near the large couch; books she intended to buy, deadlines for projects she had already submitted. Her eyes then traveled to the neat line of ripped paper shaped post-its up top, the black-inked handwriting on them standing out and her mind whirred back to all the different times Arnav had written different quotes from books he had read then stuck them on. They were very old and she had stuck them on again using blu-tac because the glue strip on the paper had worn away. A tear slid down her face and she quickly wiped it away.

She turned towards her bookcase, the books ordered in size, in no particular order of name or genre, a crime novel then a romance, and then slowly up to the soft toys on top of it and nestled between them small tiny silver frames. The one in the center was larger than other two, she had brought it with her when she had first moved to Aberdeen, it has been a present from her parents. On the left bottom corner of the frame there were tiny stars cut out and then on the top right hand corner shooting stars, embossed out of the silver metal.

"Bitiya the stars on the frame are there to represent your real parents."

Garima's kind words still rang through her ears and in the picture she stood in the middle, snuggled in between her mother and her father. Her father, the thought of him brought tears to her eyes in their full force for the first time since she had got back. She didn't make an attempt to stop them or wipe them away and instead let them streak down her face, blurring her vision completely. Large droplets, down her cheek and on to her peach top.

Signed a contract 

Her father had signed a contract writing her life over to another man. She didn't even know what to make of it anymore. Was her life really worth so little? It felt as if her heart would burn out soon, the dull ache of it increasing and reaching the surface and in the corner of everything she felt empty, completely empty. As if there was nothing that was left to think about, everything that had to be said had been said, would thinking about it do her any good? Her eyes then slowly moved to the frame to the right, it was a solid rectangular block with a small bow on the top left hand corner, simply designed, a gift from Arnav and in it was a picture of them. It was one of those summer pictures were the sun had shone bright and so much as looking at it made it feel like sunny summer again. She was leaning against him as his left arm went around her shoulder and held the camera above them, the sun glinting off of their aviators. She let her eyes rest on it for a few minutes, going through the outlines of their faces, their beaming smiles then looked away, refusing to let herself feel anything about it and moved her eyes to the one on the left. It was a heart-shaped frame and she refused to look at the picture held within it as her sorrow was quickly replaced by a slow rising, bubbling anger. Her tears still continued to flow as she reached up for the heart-shaped frame and took it down, her hands shaking from the trembles running through her. She turned around to walk towards her kitchen when she suddenly stopped again and turned back towards the bookcase and before giving it a second thought, gulping down her tears, she stretched her arm up and took down the other two frames as well. She looked at the one with her parents, her bright smile, their tender faces, then crouching down placed the two frames on the bottom shelf facing down. Then she turned towards the kitchen and walked towards the bin and dropped the heart-shaped frame into it. Silent tears gathered in her eyes and ran down her cheeks, her top now completely drenched, the light foundation she had worn in the morning now non-existent. She stood at the bin for a few minutes, her mind empty now, her raging thoughts being pushed to a corner. She brought her palms to her cheeks and wiped them three times then turned around and walked off towards the bathroom. Turning on the tap she held her hands underneath it till the cold water warmed up, then cupping her hands and filling it with water she threw it on her face, beads of water fell on to her top and around her onto the tiled floor. She repeated this a few times until all her tears had washed off. She then turned on the shower and letting it run walked off towards her bedroom and grabbed a towel.

She stepped into the bath, the warm flow of water against her feet comforting in it's own way. And that's when she finally let it all hit her. The betrayals, the anguish, her life now a tattered mess. She stood under the hot shower and let her salty tears mingle with the trickles of water. And she screamed with the sobs that broke out of her throat, like an animal howling from pain, banging her body against the tiled wall and let her body slide to the floor.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" She screamed again pulling at her wet hair, the tears now angrily spurting out of her eyes. She sat their, hugging her knees to herself and letting the tirade of water splash over her head and then down her back, creating pink blotches against her skin as it fell on her in sharp bursts. She sat like that for what felt like hours, until every muscle in her body had given way, until her mind had become numb to the pain and the erratic beats of her heart had calmed down. And when she finally stepped out, her mind was made. She'd let her life take it's own course for once, for that was all she could do and she would shut up the events that had led her here somewhere in a dark corner of her heart. Yes her life would not be the same again but she could not change or fix things that were simply not in her hands. When she had left for India she had somewhat left her life half-way and maybe it was a good thing that things had worked out this way. She would just need to continue as if nothing had happened for that was the only way....

~ But if I sit here and weep, I’ll be blown over by the slightest of leaves – Rambling Man, Laura Marling ~

****

Arnav drove through the wide road lined with trees, their green leaves waving almost rhythmically to the wind. His expression was desolate and grim and he kept his eyes focused on the road, his mind in a distant place, the browns of his eyes dark and glazed with unshed tears. 

 I will remember your small room, 

the feel of you, 

the light in the window, 

your records, 

your books, 

our morning coffee, 

our noons, 

our nights, 

our bodies spilled together, 

sleeping, 

the tiny flowing currents, 

immediate and forever. 

Your leg, my leg, 

your arm, my arm, 

your smile and the warmth 

of you 

who made me laugh again. 

- Charles Bukowski

His hand was tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles white against his skin. It was the only thing he could have done and although it may not have been the right time it would in the end be for the best. He would have left, one way or the other, he would have. And now she would recover, he knew that much and she would recover without him. She may hate him but wouldn't he rather live with her hatred? All that had happened had been a revelation, his assumptions had come true. She didn't need this and one day there would come a time when he wouldn't be able to protect her. He signaled left and turned into the car park of his own flat then pulled into a space, then resting his head against the seat brought his hands to his face. There were still too many things to correct, too much to do but for now Arundathi was out of the way, even if only for a while and until then he would stay back in Aberdeen, make sure she was okay from a distance and then that would be it. That would be it. 

~ I hope you wake up and it suddenly hits you: that there wasn’t anyone who loved you as much as I loved you. – Unknown ~

****

"Khushi? Khushi bitiya?" Tears gathered in Garima's eyes as she hugged the phone to her ear in anticipation of her daughters voice. Arnav had let her know that Khushi was now safe, that she wanted to be alone but he would hang around to see that she was okay. Her gratitude for Arnav right now could not be put  into words and all she wanted to hear was Khushi's voice, alive and well, the reassurance that her daughter, her little angel was indeed okay. 

"Amma?" Khushi's voice was broken through tears as she murmured back into the phone, her mothers voice like a blessing. "Amma," she began to sob, everything that she had put to the back of her mind reaching the surface once more. "Amma."

"Yes Khushi, I'm here. Kh...Khushi are you okay?" Garma managed to stammer out through her own ragged sobs as Shashi looked on from the background. 

"I'm fine Amma. I just... I don't know," she continued to cry, clutching the phone to her ear, needing desperately to be near her mother, in her embrace. 

"Kh..Khusi bitiya do you want me to come there? I know you aren't okay. I can come," Garima spoke in between her tears, the sound of her daughters broken voice making her heart break. 

"No no, Amma don't," she replied wiping away her tears. "I'll be fine. I'll just... I'm going to call work tomorrow and tell them I'm coming back early," she gulped back her tears and attempted to sound strong. 

"Nahi nahi bitiya, I'll come." Garima now added with more determination.

"No amma seriously. I'll be fine. I just need a bit of alone time. You know me I'll be fine," she assured herself more than her mother. 

Garima pondered this thought for a second and decided that yes Khushi did need some time to herself. She was a strong girl and she would get herself out of it. All that mattered right now was that she was safe and maybe now that the idiot Aakash was out, there would still be hope for something between Arnav and Khushi. 

Shashi watched on as Garima pacified their daughter. He couldn't face Garima, he still hadn't told her what had happened exactly, just that Arundathi wanted to kill Khushi. He hadn't meant for it to reach this point, of course he hadn't. He loved Khushi more than anything else in the world and at first he had taken her refusal to marry Aakash as one of her stubborn outbursts, but it had ended up being a lot more than that and he still didn't know the whole story. At the time it had felt like a good idea, Khushi was engaged to Aakash anyway so what harm could it possibly have done. But it had and it had nearly cost his daughters life and it was all his fault. All his fault. He gripped the edge of the table for fear that if he didn't hold onto something solid he may collapse into a heap. The guilt gushing through him too strong for him to take. Had he really just nearly cost Khushi her life? He was grateful for Arnav, if it wasn't for Arnav his only daughter could have died. 

****

"Hello Aman? Is it done?"

"Yes sir. She's still unconscious and we'll keep her there for another two weeks. After that?"

"Good Aman. I've told Anjali that Arundathi has gone on an urgent business meeting for two weeks. But after that..." He leaned back on the sofa, his fingers pinching his forehead, attempting to control the dull pain. "I don't know Aman," he admitted quietly, all substance in his voice lost, no longer able to process his thoughts coherently. "I'll think of something and let you know. But have you found anything else?"

"Well sir I've gone through the documents we pulled off of her laptop for the third time but haven't managed to find anything of use." Arnav nodded to himself, as if this was what he had expected. "But I'll send someone over to the house tomorrow and get them to check her safe."

"Yes that's fine Aman. Just let me know when you find it."

Cutting the call off he reached over for one of the take away menus. He still didn't know what he was going to do. He needed to leave her but his heart would not let him. He wanted to distance himself from her, but at this point would it really make any difference? Arundathi's motive was now the property and she wanted it one way or the other, Arnav didn't know what her next plan of action even was. "Shut up Arnav you're only making up excuses!" He spoke to himself, "she'll get out of this alone. Stop finding excuses to stay back!"

----

Khushi sat against the sofa arm, her legs tucked under her knees with a book in her lap. It was getting dark and she didn't have anything at home to eat, she had left having finished all of her food and she had been too exhausted to go anywhere, her mind in too much of a mess to think straight. She needed to go to her bank and request for another bank card and withdraw some cash and for that she would have to wait till morning. For now she didn't even have the money to order a take away. In the rush of leaving and more than anything not knowing what the hell was going on she hadn't taken anything but the phone in her pocket and Arnav had only taken her passport. She felt so helpless and fresh tears gathered in her eyes as her mind ran through the events of the previous day again. "Stop it Khushi," she mumbled to herself, wiping away at her cheeks, "stop this you're fine," she attempted to pacify herself. And for the first time that day she wished she hadn't closed the door on Arnav, right now she needed him, she needed someone that she could just lay her head against and cry her heart out to. "But he doesn't love me," she whispered to herself through the tears, "I can't hold on to the friendship we have anymore knowing that he knows what I feel for him and still won't acknowledge it," she sobbed. "No! I won't talk to him, from now on he will no longer be a part of my life," she grabbed the tissue box and pulled a piece of tissue paper out to wipe her face when there was a loud knock on the door.

Fear rose in the pit of her stomach immediately and she felt a shiver run down her back, who could it be at this time? It was nearing 10.30pm and the light was rapidly fading outside. Gulping down her fear she crawled over to the edge of her sofa and moving back the curtain peered out, familiar cars and a delivery car. But what if they were on foot? "Stop it Khushi! Just go and check who it is!" She muttered to herself angrily and got off of the chair and began walking towards the corridor, then turned back round and grabbed the big black umbrella lying against the bookcase and began walking towards the door once more. "It's okay Khushi, this is a flat, just scream as loud as you can and your neighbours will help you," she reassured herself. One of her stupid neighbours must have left the main door open, she thought to herself now slightly irritated.  Taking slow delicate steps towards the door she put her eye to the peephole, her heart hammering against her ribs the whole time. And relief flooded through her immediately on seeing the blue overalls of the Domino's pizza delivery guy. But she hadn't ordered pizza, with her brows knitted in confusion she turned the key quickly and opened the door.

"Your order," he announced taking out a large pizza box and two smaller ones.

She watched bewildered for a second, her eyes darting between the delivery guy and the boxes. "But I didn't order anything," she finally managed to say.

"Well the order's for this flat," he stated, looking behind her for the flat number.

"Maybe you wrote down the flat number wrong. I don't even have cash on me," she replied casually. This wasn't uncommon.

"No I'm pretty sure this is the one and it's already been paid for," he stated slightly irritated now.

She frowned, annoyed. Paid for? She rolled her eyes to the heavens, the events of that previous day leaving her momentarily as she processed this issue. "Well it can't be, I didn't order anything. Isn't there like a name for the order can't you check that?" She questioned, the annoyance clear in her voice.

The deliver man keeping his customer service skills in mind gave her a forced smile and checked the side of the box. "It's for a Miss Khushey," he struggled.

"Kumari Gupta!" She finished off for him frowning, then quickly realised that it was for her. "But I didn't order it!" She half-shouted, "who ordered it?" She questioned again.

Frowning back he re-checked it, "it's 075********," he read out and her eyes widened in surprise as she felt her heart melt for him and then anger replace it almost immediately. She felt tears brim in her eyes and held it in place not wanting to break down in front of a stranger. "Oh okay," she managed to mumble out, "thanks," and giving him a curt smile quickly took the boxes from him and closed the door. Leaning back against it she slid to the floor, the tears streaking down her cheeks once more as she held onto the boxes. Why was he doing this to her? Why did he care so much if he didn't love her back? Why was life playing such a wicked game?

~ Haven’t you seen me sleep walking cause I’ve been holding your hand. Haven’t you noticed me drifting oh let me tell you, I am. Tell me it’s nothing, try to convince me that I’m not drowning. Oh let me tell you, I am. 

– Falling, The Civil Wars ~

Chapter 15 - Breaking Apart at the Seams

~ There’s a firefly loose tonight, better catch it before it burns this place down. And I lie, I don’t feel so right, but the world looks better through your eyes. – Firefly, Ed Sheeran ~

"So I'll tel you what I know because I don't know everything and to be honest I'm still trying to make sense of some of it."

She nodded, watching his eyes and chewing on her food. Her senses slightly dim from the weakness she was feeling. Not having food since morning had been a bad idea. Her heart thudded away in her chest, the fear of what she would hear not leaving her and not knowing what to anticipate making her throat constrict, making even so much as swallowing an effort. She tried to clear her mind, bring it to one place by focusing on her chewing, the movements of her mouth, her teeth, thinking that this could help whatever Arnav had to say flow through her mind impassively.

"The thing is Khushi, there's land written in your name."

"What?" She questioned, quickly gulping down more food, confusion clouding her mind once more. "Arnav! Why are you talking about land I may and may not have?" She muttered exasperated, why wasn't he just getting to the matter at hand.

Arnav glared, annoyance rising, "shut up Khushi! I'm trying to tell you what I know! If you don't want to know then I can just keep the information to myself, drop you off in Aberdeen then go back to India!" He exclaimed in an equally irritated voice.

She watched his face for a mere few seconds, seeing the raw irritation in it, then frowning looked down and focused on her food. "Fine continue," she murmured, not quite able to contain the frantic rhythm of her heart beats.

"Okay," Arnav sighed, "so yeh there's property written in your name, millions of dollars worth of property that are inherited and was transferred into your name by your father a couple of years ago," he stated.

"Yes I know," she dismissed blankly. "In fact I asked him to sell it off when he lost his company a while back but he wouldn't listen to me. Like I need the property," she added in the end, not quite sure anymore what he was trying to get at. Was he trying to lead her away from what was actually wrong?

"Okay, well yeah and you know that Arundathi then became his business partner and recovered his company right?"

"Yeh," she agreed blankly.

"Okay. Well this is my hunch, that Arundathi knew about this property and that's why she agreed to help your dad recover his business," he stated, his expression now of the calculative business man he was, slightly detached, his emotional turmoil now resting away from him as he himself assessed the situation out loud for the first time.

"But how does that add up to anything? And how would she get property that's in my name if she recovered my father's business?" She questioned confused, leaning forward as the intriguing nature this conversation was taking required her full attention. Having had enough of her food she placed it to the side as well.

"Because she knew you were with Aakash and that meant your father would be easily convinced," he said now more as if he was talking to himself rather than her.

"What?" Khushi questioned again, her eyebrows knitting together. "Convince my father of what?" She questioned, her heart hammering through her suddenly, beads of sweat rapidly accumulating on her upper lip.

Arnav exhaled heavily, not wanting to really say what he had to, "Khushi..." He closed his eyes momentarily, bringing the words together in his mind, "Khushi, your dad signed a contract stating that you and Aakash were to be married within six months and that's all that I know, there must be more to it than that. But I.. I didn't get the chance to ask, I'm looking into it." His words came out a jumble, and Khushi had to strain her ears to make it out exactly, her eyes wide in disbelief and shock and fury and every other emotion that her mind knew.

Signed a contract

The words rang through her mind, Arnav's inability to have said it earlier, the sting of her fathers slap, his fury, his sudden outburst of rage for what she had thought to be for no reason, all suddenly adding up. She felt betrayed, humiliated, hot tears began streaming down her face and she began to frantically wipe away at them, her fury building up with every passing second. She felt her heart sear into a thousand pieces, the gashes of pain burning away at the edges. She felt the warmth of an arm then his body and then his breath on her face as her body shook with the force of the emotions ramming through her and she willed herself not to cry. Had her father sold her off to Aakash?

"Khushi," he whispered, "I don't know anything properly, we'll find out then deal with it," he attempted to pacify her.

"What do you mean by you don't know Arnav? What else is there to know other than that my father sold me in order to save his business?" She looked into the depths of his eyes, her hazel eyes dark and drowning in her tears.

"Khushi he thought because you were engaged it would be okay, he assumed you would end up getting married. I'm sure he didn't think this would happen," he tried to reassure her, not wanting her to break down completely, she didn't need that right now. He pulled her in closer, snuggling her in against his chest, not able to form the right words to offer her comfort. She moved in closer, his warmth being the only slightest source of solace to her mind, her sobs muffled and quiet, the tears now over-flowing, too choked upto say anything. What was happening in her life, first Aakash, then been taken away to Aberdeen and now her father, her own father had... Oh god nothing was making sense, her life was falling apart, crumbling from the edges. "I don't... I don't know what's happening Arnav," she muttered in between sobs, her words broken and almost inaudible. "This... this wasn't supposed to happen, all of a sudden everything around me seems to be falling apart. EVERYTHING! And I have... I have no control over it. I don't even understand half of this... It's still not even adding up. Please Arnav," she looked into his eyes which were peering into the depths of hers, "Please Arnav tell me this is some sort of messed up nightmare," her voice was louder now, the tears flowing out angry and exhausted. "Pinch me or something!" She exclaimed grabbing his hand. "I want my life back! It was so much better than this! What is this?! What the hell is this?!" She stood up and began pacing about, her face blotched with rage and sorrow, her cheeks and nose a dark shade of pink and every muscle in her body shaking. "I want my life back!" She screamed, breaking down, her sobs loud and ragged. "I want my life back!"

Arnav walked over and held her as she fell against him, her anguished cries and anger shaking through him. "Khushi, please just think through this slowly. We can sort this out. We'll sort this out," he spoke into her hair, hugging her body to his.

She broke away from him suddenly, pushing away from him, done with words of reassurance. "Take things slowly? What the hell are you talking about? You've just brought me over from India so that I don't get killed, told me my father has signed a contract agreeing to marry me off and you want me to take things slowly?!" She screamed, her eyes bloodshot and wide, a storm raging through her mind.

"I know, I know Khushi but this won't help anything. Just... Just think through things," he closed his eyes clenching his fists because nothing he was saying would get through to her, "I know nothing I say will make any of this better, but you need to just stay strong until we sort this mess out," his voice was firm as he held onto her shoulder, adamant to keep her sane.

"You know all this happened because of that bastard Aakash!" She exclaimed, unable to keep her anger at bay. "If I hadn't..." she stopped herself suddenly, knowing that there was no point in screaming out why she had started off her relationship with Aakash. There was no point, Arnav didn't seem to care. And then the grief of that hit her too, propelling through her like a rocket of destruction. Perhaps he didn't love her either, was it possible to feel so alone in the world? So betrayed by every single person that you held dear? "How... How can you tell me to take things slowly when everything is falling apart! When everything has been falling apart! Do you know why I won't get married to Aakash?! Do you know?!" She screamed walking back and creating space between them, her body erect with anger as she glared square into his face. "Because he cheated on me!" She yellled, "he cheated on me!" She fell to the floor, her sobs loud and agonising.

"Khushi, Khushi," he ran towards her, pulling her into his arms, "Khushi shh, I know he cheated on you, I..."

"WHAT?!" She pushed him away from her immediately, then stood herself up. "YOU KNEW?!" She screamed, her anger now aimed at Arnav, how dare he think he could keep everything about her life from her!

Arnav stoop up too and began to glare down at her, his expression that of being extremely confused. "Yeh I knew, I found out a while back," he stated calmly, "I was going..."

"SHUT UP! Just SHUT UP!" She screamed turning around, waving her hands in front of her face. She had had enough.

"But Khushi I was going to..."

"Arnav! STOP!" She exclaimed turning back towards him. "Just stop," she breathed out heavily, shutting her eyes, having had enough of everything. Whilst Arnav continued to stare back at her, shocked beyond belief, not knowing what to do to improve the situation.

"Khushi," he tried once more.

"Arnav," she spoke through gritted teeth, "I said that's enough! Just leave me alone please!" And with that she stormed off and sat down in the furthest away corner and leaning her head on her knees then putting her legs on the chair and tucking them under her shut herself off from the world. She had had enough, she wanted to go back to her cosy little flat in Aberdeen and pretend everything was okay.

****

The light of the large Raizada Mansion emitted in an orb around the house, alighting the surroundings of it as it stood tall and grand against it's backdrop. The leaves of trees rustled as a whistling wind blew through them, creating an almost eerie atmosphere, the branches of them throwing about haunting shadows. And a lone woman pulled a bag out of the doorway stepping out. She looked around twice, taking in her surroundings and making sure no one was around, the echoing silence calming her slightly erratic heart. She took her key out, her finger pressing it's unlock button and the cars amber lights flickered on then off with a light click. The tapping of her shoes clicked against the ground as she hurriedly walked over to the car. A light shiver ran down her spine and she looked around suddenly as she heard the shuffling of feet behind her, but not seeing anyone focused her eyes back on her car. And that's when someone grabbed her by the waist, slightly lifting her off of the ground. She tried to scream but a calloused hand covered her mouth and she struggled to bite it off. She flayed her legs around, trying to kick the man. She tried to turn her body around to look at his face. Her nails dug into his skin but he would not loosen his grip. His hand on her face was nearly suffocating, her chest heaved with the difficulty she had in drawing her breath in. Her screams were muffled and not a soul was around to hear them. Security guard where was the security guard? And that's when she felt it a little prick in the side of her thigh, then a flurry of images, her eyes drooping of their own accord. Her head started spinning, and then empty, her knees buckled and her legs gave way beneath her, then sparks of lights, blurry sparks of light, then beams, then lines of lights and then she lost the sensation in her limbs and everything faded away. Then blackness, then nothing....

****

Arnav changed the gears in a rhythmic movement, clicking them into their place with the increasing speed of his car. The road silent and almost empty. The skies were grim and cloudy, a grey hue to every cloud. The leaves on the trees were luscious yet the gloom seemed to convert their green into a lighter yellowish shade. They rustled softly in the wind and there was a slight splatter of rain every so often, not continuous but there nonetheless. He looked to Khushi from the corner of his eyes, she sat with her head rested upon the glass, her eyes distant and bloodshot, her face swollen and pink. She had refused to talk to him since he mentioned knowing about Aakash's other relationship. He had led her out of the airport but she had walked on, sometimes away from him, sometimes ahead of him, sometimes behind refusing to look at him even once. He had tried a couple of times but she didn't seem to respond. He was beginning to fear that she had gone into shock but hoped beyond hope that that was not the case, she was stronger than that wasn't she?

I want my life back!

I've always loved someone else

For once...

This is a nightmare

I want my life back!

Please Arnav

Those words, her words kept on replaying over and over again on his mind. He needed to bang his head against the wall, punish his mind for not letting go. She needed her life back and he was the main reason for it to be falling apart. If it hadn't been for him this wouldn't have happened, Aakash wouldn't have happened, Arundathi wouldn't have become this dangerous. His life was already a floating mess, why was he making her life difficult? How selfish could he be? But could he leave her now? She wasn't safe, she was falling apart, he couldn't leave her now! His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter and he strained to keep his focus on the road, away from his roaming mind.

"BEEP!"

He snapped out of his thoughts for the second time and his foot nearly slipped off of the clutch. He edged his car forward then looked right, and getting his opportunity turned left, the narrow roads familiar from too many memories and his heart sunk as she continued to stare out into the distance, not seeming to feel or see anything around her. He slowed the car again, changing into second gear then turned left once more then drove straight through the give way, as he always did, the other cars could wait for him if they wanted to travel the wrong way. It was still early morning, the birds only beginning to chirp their morning songs, a couple of seagulls here and there. He braked the car then reversed it into a spot directly in front of the door.

She was already out before him, still walking in a lost daze, her movements mechanical.

"Khushi," he tried again, but she wouldn't respond and kept on walking. He followed behind her, up the two concrete steps and waited as she then stopped and stood at the door, staring blankly at the worn wooden door. "Oh yeh I'll go get the key," he hurriedly mumbled then walked over the still damp grass and jumped over the fence then walked up to the fifth slab of concrete along the wall and lifting it up picked up the keys, his keys to her flat then walked back. She moved back, still looking away from him and gave him the space to open the door, it creaked open, the edges of it frayed and old and his shoes echoed on the tiled floor of the narrow corridor, the inside still lit as it was still pretty dark inside. He watched as she brushed past him, her fingers brushing over his as she took the key from him, still not making eye contact. Her steps were heavy and slow on the stairs as she climbed, her small fair hand against the smooth wooden banister. He followed her slowly and nearly collided into her as she stopped at the top landing, he waited for a response but nothing came, she merely turned to her right and walked to her door and inserted her key. The bookcase that had been there when she had first moved into the flat in her first year of uni still partly blocking her entrance into her flat. He watched as she stepped over the wooden step at the entrance then slowly turned around. Her distant, blank hazel eyes now looking up at his face, her eyes roamed over his face for a second.

"Arnav, you can go back to India now," her voice was silent yet firm, not the slightest hint of emotion in her face.

"But, Khushi..." he tried to walk in after her, his arm out to stop her but before he had had time to react she had already closed the door on his face.

~ And of all these things I’m sure of, I’m not quite certain of your love – Little Bird, Ed Sheeran ~